Here are some helpful tips and practical things that you can do to help get you through BWVAKTBOOM.
Mount all TVs, paintings, and mirrors securely to the wall; cover all sharp edges with cushions; and affix a soft pad to your headboard. Similar to earthquake- and baby-proofing but way more rewarding.
Your vegan boyfriend has one goal in mind: a sexual marathon. One example of your goal would be: Finish many times, and don't break your pelvis. Do this and you'll both be winners.
Standard condoms are no match for your vegan boyfriend's high-caliber finishing move. Invest in a heavy-duty variety for maximum protection.
Contracting your pelvic floor muscles throughout the day will strengthen your special area and help you withstand your vegan boyfriend's super-power.
Just a friendly reminder.
Unless you live in a secluded farmhouse, you might want to master the art of the "silent scream." Orgasm yelling is a hard thing to control and, if not tempered, can result in hefty fines for noise violations.
When lovemaking is this long and intense, you can become dehydrated. Girlfriends of newly vegan boyfriends have been known to lose up to 5 pounds of water weight during particularly intense sessions. Experts recommend replacing that fluid if you want to keep up. We recommend installing a crude hydration station on your headboard and filling it with 72 ounces of water or your favorite electrolyte replacement drink.
Vegan sex can be more aggressive than Civilian Sex. Which is why we encourage wearing a helmet during intercourse. You need to protect yourself. But staring at a conventional helmet can ruin the moment. So get a helmet that matches your hairstyle. Or add some zest by changing things up. Then strap it down, hop in bed, and hold on tight.
Your newly vegan boyfriend is sitting on a sexual howitzer. Protect your corneas from his turbocharged loads with OSHA-approved goggles.